Classic joke thread...

[Bill Stryker]

Three Norwegians from the Upper Midwest go down to Mexico to

celebrate college graduation.

 

They get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be

executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they

did  the night before.

 

The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked

if  he has any last words.   He says, 'I yust graduated from St. Olaf

College  in Northfield Minnesota and believe in the almighty power of

God to  intervene on the behalf of the innocent.'

 

They throw the switch and  nothing happens.

 

The Mexicans all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg

for Sven's forgiveness, and release him.

 

The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his
 last words, 'I yust

graduated from the Concordia College in Moorhead Minnesota and I

believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the

innocent.'

 

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens.  Again, they all

immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness,  and

release him.

 

The last one, Ole, is strapped in and says, 'Vell, I'm from the 

University of Nort' Dakota in Grand Forks and yust graduated with a

degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now,  ya

ain't  gonna electrocute nobody if ya don't plug this t'ing in.


 

I always knew electrical engineers were wired a bit differently than the rest of us. 

[Teresa Heilevang]

'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. 'It  ain't my fault this time, Miss Crabtree. You can blame this one on my  Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!'
    Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-odd years.
    Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he meant by that.
    Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little
Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

    'You see, Miss Crabtree, out at the ranch we got this here low down coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to Ma; 'That darn coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'' 'Stay back,' he whispered to all us kids.
 
   He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyote on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and comes sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on plumb helpless, old Zeke stuck his cold nose in Daddy's butt crack!

    'Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!'

[Steyr M40A1]

Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KV_G2eWKqA

[Teresa Heilevang]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps..

He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit,

They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla..

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.

She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now..... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now. Tell HIM you have a headache

[tt11758]

Is this a joke, or the story of the last time you and Marshal went to the zoo?   



I know, I know....................corner, here I come.

[Sponsor]

[Teresa Heilevang]

Is this a joke, or the story of the last time you and Marshal went to the zoo?   



I know, I know....................corner, here I come.

NOW!!

[ericire12]

NOW!!

Sweet! You up for some PlayStation?

http://www.downrange.tv/forum/index.php/topic,6497.msg78777.html#msg78777

[Steyr M40A1]

My new cell phone has an awesome ring tone!!
And its my favorite caliber too!

[Teresa Heilevang]

That is the coolest.............
And of course.. I want one....



Young Child's Prayer
O Lord...this year,  please send clothes… for all those poor ladies in Dad’s computer.

[Bill Stryker]

    Indian Mating
    Season.....

    Two Indians
    and a Arkansas Hillbilly were walking through the woods.
    All
    of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small
    cave.
    "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened closely
    until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his
    clothes and ran into the cave.

    The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the
    remaining Indian what it was all about. "Was the other Indian crazy or
    what?"


    The
    Indian replied "No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see
    cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an
    answer back, it means there's a beautiful woman in the rear waiting for
    us."

    Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to
    the cave, stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there
    was the answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside. He also tore off his
    clothes and ran into the opening.

    The Hillbilly wandered around in the
    woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in
    amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at
    the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be
    some really big, fine women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and
    hollered with all his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Like the others, he then
    heard an answering call,
    "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"

    With
    a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he
    raced
    into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

    The following day, the
    headline of the local newspaper read....

    (Get ready, this will kill
    ya),


    NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN