Classic joke thread...

[lettyinreno]

Let me guess..
Was her skin brown?
My name is often mis-pronounced..
Leticia in a middle class white neighborhood growing up was do you want the "gringo version or the white version"?
But a dash is asking for it your whole life! What are people thinkin'?

[lettyinreno]

Sorry I did'nt read the snopes report bofore I posted duh....

[Bill Stryker]

Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California . In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost several fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England "
 
 
 
 
The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics ."
 
 
 
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs . Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House ."
 

[Bill Stryker]

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.  Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled.  They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'.

 She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said....


'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.'

[1911 Junkie]

Four very afluent men were having lunch together one day and started talking about their sons.
The first man said,"My son's an accountant, he's doing so good he recently gave one of his buddies $50k just because he could."

The second man said,"My son owns a car dealership and he gave one of his buddies a new sports car, just because buisiness is great."

The third man said,"Yeah, well my son owns a realestate firm and buisiness is so good there he gave one of his buddies a free house."

At that point they look at the fourth man and ask,"So how's your son, the fag."

The fourth man said,"Well, he became a gay prostitute, but I guess he's doing alright. His 3 best customers just gave him $50k, a new car and a house."

[Sponsor]

[long762range]

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.


Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'



Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.

[PegLeg45]

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.
 
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.  "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."
 
THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.
 
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM.

THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.
 
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.
 
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?
 
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.
 
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

[PegLeg45]

A word to the wise - MEN don't try this at home .......
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

      A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!'

      Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.'

      The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff.  I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere.'

      The clerk is astonished.
     
      'Your wife's name is Crisco?'

      The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public.'

      'I see,' said the clerk.

      'What do you call her at home?'

      'Lard ass.'

[tt11758]

Three PhotosThat Say It All





President Bush



President Reagan



Need I say More?

[long762range]

Q: Define a bison


A: A bison is something an Australian washes his face in.