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Author Topic: Classic joke thread...  (Read 1416945 times)

Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4680 on: January 10, 2014, 12:48:08 PM »
I heard that whole bread crumb bit was a myth...don't you guys ever check Snoopes?


Mette's monkeys are the real deal, though, and need be be avoided.
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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4681 on: January 10, 2014, 04:02:37 PM »
I came across this legitimate headline

DENY, DENY, DENY: White House denies Gates’ charge that Biden is often wrong

and my first thought was that the best argument to counter it is that   Biden is always wrong
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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

tombogan03884

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4682 on: January 11, 2014, 12:59:44 PM »
Solus, I saw that yesterday and thought it was a "big f**king deal" .  ;D
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tt11758

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4683 on: January 13, 2014, 08:19:47 PM »
What a brilliant idea this is.  At least women can feel safe now. 


With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded car parks, especially during evening hours, Cardiff  City Council has established a "Women Only" car park at the new  St. David’s Shopping Centre.  Even the attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. 

Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only car park in Wales. 


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I love waking up every morning knowing that Donald Trump is President!!

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4684 on: January 28, 2014, 01:28:52 PM »
In this New Year, 2014, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic juxtaposition of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

Sponsor

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4685 on: Today at 12:59:48 PM »
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lhprop1

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4685 on: January 28, 2014, 02:23:11 PM »
That would be nice if they were both on the same day, but they're not.  Groundhod Day is on Feb 2.  SotU is tonight, January 28. 
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Bravery and stupidity are often synonymous.  So are cowardice and intelligence.

"We Americans have been a rebellious band of freedom loving vagabonds from the very beginning. Our freedom from the crown and tyranny would not exist had it not been for the gun. That's a tradition we like to hold on to.  The same can't be said for the rest of you 'Subjects of the Queen'."--said to a Canadian friend who just doesn't get it.

Solus

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4686 on: January 28, 2014, 03:25:55 PM »
Quote from: lhprop1 on January 28, 2014, 02:23:11 PM
That would be nice if they were both on the same day, but they're not.  Groundhod Day is on Feb 2.  SotU is tonight, January 28.

He preemps Congress and now the Groundhog. 
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Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!"
—Patrick Henry

"Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters."
— Daniel Webster

ellis4538

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4687 on: January 29, 2014, 09:16:20 AM »
ihprop1, I got that in an e-mail and didn't check it out!  My bad...

Richard
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Used to be "The only thing to FEAR was FEAR ITSELF", nowadays "The only thing to FEAR is GETTING CAUGHT!"

crusader rabbit

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4688 on: January 30, 2014, 06:17:18 AM »
In a Detroit church one Sunday morning, the preacher said "Anyone with
"special needs" who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the
front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked,
"Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his
other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and
prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole
congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few moments, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, " I don't know. It ain't 'til Thursday."

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“I’ve lived the literal meaning of the ‘land of the free’ and ‘home of the brave.’ It’s not corny for me. I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my chest. Even at a ball game, when someone talks during the anthem or doesn’t take off his hat, it pisses me off. I’m not one to be quiet about it, either.”  Chris Kyle

Majer

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Re: Classic joke thread...
« Reply #4689 on: January 30, 2014, 10:32:32 AM »
A really old man came up to me at the cash machine and asked me to help him check his balance ...
So I pushed him over.

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"If violent crime is to be curbed, it is only the intended victim who can do it. The felon does not fear the police, and he fears neither judge nor jury. Therefore what he must be taught to fear is his victim." - Jeff Cooper
Pericles--"Freedom is only for those who have the guts to defend it".

The problem with society today is that not enough of us drink wine from our enemies skulls”.

It takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 to smile, and 3 for proper trigger squeeze.

Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars!!!
-Sheriff Jim Wilson
"When tyranny becomes law rebellion becomes duty" Thomas Jefferson
Es gibt keine Notwendigkeit zu befürchten, Underdog hier ist.
Great nations rise and fall. The people go from bondage to spiritual truth, to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency, from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependence, from dependence back again to bondage. Where are we now??????
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